Welcome to The Wisdomous – a friendly email sent to you every week to nourish your mental wealth. You will find micro-lessons from macro thinkers, a good story, awesome reads and some fun suggestions.

How are you doing?

I wish you the best of luck and happiness. It’s getting colder here, and plenty of tea isn’t necessarily a terrible thing – in today’s edition, there’s a question at the end, so take a peek.

I’ve been battling with something for years. Unfortunately, I believe it will take a lifetime to confront – it is a trait that does more harm than good – it is toxic positivity.

Positivity is something you would identify with me since I am a person who is constantly smiling, happy, and full of positive energy, but allow me to relate my experience with it being toxic.

What is the meaning of toxic positivity? Answering this is complex; let us take a cue from Jesus Christ ways of teaching and use an example.

Ted Lasso, I know you have fantastic taste in entertainment, so you’re probably aware of this series, which is accessible on Apple TV Plus. Ted Lasso, portrayed by Jason Sudeikis, is the ever-charming, always-smiling, well-mannered, witty, and skilful baker. Ted motivates people and creates an atmosphere that promotes well-being; he guarantees that everyone is okay.

I am all for uplifting notes and thoughts, I mean, I have been blogging about it for the last ten years, and you are in luck if you happen to stumble over my tweets or Instagram stories, plus I despise being around negative people; they are like energy-sucking monsters, aren’t they?

While Ted is a delight to be around, his cheerfulness is a cloak for his struggles, and I can identify with him on many levels.

Some of the issues he faces throughout his life include:

  • Ted is going through a break-up and is still in love with the woman.

  • In addition, trauma from Ted’s father’s suicide when he was a child still haunts him.

  • To make matters worse, Ted is a stranger in a new country with no close friends or family to lean on while learning on the job.

One way to put it is that “toxic positivity” is positivity supplied in the wrong way, in the wrong dose at the wrong time, according to David Kessler, an expert in grief and loss. 

Ted’s continuously optimistic, upbeat energy isn’t the sign of a happy guy but rather a coping strategy he may have acquired while avoiding dealing with his prior trauma. I can relate to him since I did the same thing.

As a coping tactic, we train ourselves to be relentlessly positive.

We employ optimism as a defence strategy so that instead of dealing with the heat of our messed-up hells, we lay a veil over it. We hide the truth with a cheerful blanket because we are afraid of it.

It catches up with Ted sooner rather than later, leading him to be unable to complete his tasks and to have severe panic attacks. Dr Sharon, the team psychologist, offers him help, but he is reluctant to accept it. He experiences a brutal panic attack in the middle of a crucial match. Ted is found curled up in Dr Sharon’s dreary office, finally asking for help. We can fool the brain, but the body remembers, and unresolved trauma often manifests physically.

Ted is terrific at providing support but not so much at asking for it. He has sentiments but never expresses them, something I am all too familiar with.

The danger of toxic positivity is not in what we say or share but in what we don’t share. It is about what we run away from and can’t cope with. What is unshared that must be shared.

Yes, I battle with toxic positivity, and I am fully aware that it harms me more than anybody else in my life. But I’m learning. I’m learning only to share things from the bottom of my heart, learning to process my heartaches rather than bury them. I’m learning to make peace with my past, not by avoiding it but by confronting it. I’m learning to expand by only flexing my empathy muscles. I’m learning to be vulnerable and seek support.

I am in a better place now and still learning

Another part of the series that I like is that Dr Sharon, the team’s psychologist treating Ted, has a therapist who treats her – those who heal us also need healing.

If you’re still reading this, you’re doing a lot to help me mend. Of course, sharing this is uncomfortable, but, in the words of Dr Sharon, “the truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off.”

Thank you!


  • The most efficient way to meet interesting people is to become someone they already want to meet.

  • We know what we are, but not what we may be.

  • The way to rise to a higher level of spiritual practice is to develop altruism to the point where seeking enlightenment to serve others more effectively becomes your inner, spontaneous motivation.

  • We should focus on building our character for humans – what you see is usually what you get.

  • The intricacies of life make hurt inevitable to experience.


  • Sermons We See: A beautiful poem about the power of doing the work instead of just talking about it.

I finished Will Smith’s book and The Autobiography of Malcolm X. I will share those in the coming days.


Why write nonfiction by Julian Shapiro.

1 Clarity

Great minds became brilliant through communication. Great ideas emerge while writing or speaking—not before. When you express ideas, your brain can’t help but draw connections between them and advance them.

Writing is a laxative for the mind.

2 Leverage

Keeping thoughts to yourself is a disservice to others. But, on the other hand, if you have something important to say and you say it well, you send strangers down paths badly needed.

As history has shown, a writer can change the world from their couch. Writing is the most radical thing you can do without spending a dollar.

3 Connection

The most efficient way to meet interesting people is to become someone they already want to meet.

One way to do that is by doing incredible things, writing about them, then getting the word out. Or podcast. Or vlog.

Like-minded people want to meet the person behind that voice whenever you distribute content with an authentic voice.




  • House of Gucci: As with most melodramas about betrayal, it’s lengthy and drawn out, but it has its ludicrous quirky moments with Jared’s character and a show-stopping performance from Lady Gaga, who will likely be nominated for an Oscar. The movie is over the top, and I suppose that’s Gucci!

  • King Richard: If I had the means, Will Smith would portray my father, myself, and kid in a biopic. His depiction of Williams, a father with “a plan” to support his daughters’ rise to the top of their game. This is one of his best performances.

  • I watched James Cameron’s Avatar again; this film was created over 11 years ago, and if it had come out this season, it would have won every award.

The weekly question

Are you excited about what you're working on right now?

Until the next one, stay safe and sound!

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